Antarctic Jolly Ranchers
by Kageka Necavi
Summary: Three vampires, plus one human, plus one piñata equals chaos. One shot.


Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, nor do I own anything else mentioned in the fic – including the title.

A/N – The gamer-girl is the one who thought up the title. Therefore (and since she'd strangle me at school if I didn't) I gave her a cameo. This is the product of a Twilight and laser tag induced quasi sugar high at two in the morning – don't take it too seriously. Partially inspired by the video "Piñata Accidents", which can be found on I don't own that, either.

It was a normal summer afternoon in the Cullen household. Bella had been coming over as much as she possibly could, and today was no exception. She and Edward were snuggled up on the couch, watching a movie, as it was rather sunny out. Alice bounced into the room, acting like a hyper child.

"Alice…" Edward growled lightly, a hint of warning edging his voice.

"I thought of something we could do that Bella will like. Come on!" Alice pleaded. After a moment, Bella stood, deciding that they ought to just appease Alice and get it over with. Confused, Edward also stood, following the ladies out to the clearing they used for baseball. Jasper was there, and so was a brightly colored papier-mâché animal.

"What is that?" Edward asked in disgust, noting all the pink on it.

"A piñata!" Alice said excitedly.

"A piñata?" Bella asked dryly, staring at it, and then at the stick she noticed Jasper holding. "I haven't seen one of these in years."

"You're up first." Jasper told her, handing her the stick. Bella took it and let herself get a bit giddy as Edward tied on the blindfold. Maybe this would be fun.

Of course, all three vampires and the human forgot Bella's clumsiness.

Her first swing was way off, almost striking Jasper in the head. He ducked out of instinct, even though it wasn't quite near enough to hit him. The swing managed to spin Bella around enough that her second swing could have been described as accurate – if she were aiming for Edward, whom she nailed right in the crotch. It was probably the only time he'd ever been thankful he was a vampire, for Bella had enough strength in her swing that it could have made him a soprano.

Edward gently realigned Bella with the piñata, making sure she was pointing at it and it was only a foot or so away. Everyone held their breath as Bella swung… and missed, hitting herself in the back of the head. Once again Edward realigned her with the piñata, giving her even less room between she and it. That time she missed and hit nothing, swinging hard enough that she spun around and fell, dizzy. Edward went over to her, worried she'd hurt herself, and stopped when she burst out in laughter, claiming this was far more fun than she'd thought it would be.

The vampires endured another hour of Bella's bizarre, almost masochistic, amusement in the piñata and the attempted smashing thereof. Finally Edward, in a fit of frustration after Bella had hit herself in the head for the fourth time, ripped the piñata off its rope and punted it as hard as he could.

"There." He growled, untying Bella's blindfold.

"No fair." She pouted, "I was having fun."

"That game is a death trap waiting to happen." Edward insisted, leading Bella back to the house.

Little did Edward know how right he was.

When the piñata entered the upper atmosphere, it broke into two pieces. Due to altered wind resistance and mass, the two halves went in completely different directions than the whole piñata had been going.

In southern Ohio, a bouncy girl was gathering the supplies necessary to camp out at Game Stop for the two weeks prior to the release of her all time favorite video game – Kingdom Hearts. Just as she was putting the Pixie Sticks in her duffle, the head of a piñata streaked down from the sky, hitting her on the head and killing her instantly.

Thousands of miles away, in Antarctica, a penguin was examining the thing that had fallen out of the sky, inches away from him. Taking a chance, the penguin examined the debris; eventually finding some Jolly Ranchers and somehow managing to peck the wrappers open and eat them. The Jolly Ranchers ended up making the penguin go insane and start WWIII, but that's another story.


End file.
